I return. Part I: Struggles

After being too busy to blog about anything for the last eight months - student teaching, graduation, job hunting, and working two jobs will do that to you - I think I'm going to come back and try to update this a little more often now. If nothing else, this will at least be a place to put down my thoughts and concerns, and make them look neat and organized, unlike the jumbled mess in my head. Seriously, for an organ that is supposed to be the most advanced system on the planet, the standard organization and reliability of basic cognitive function makes a frat house look like a five-star hotel. So, I guess we'll start from where we left off:

Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional
Sure, I'm Feeling fine!

Student teaching is perhaps one of the most interesting experiences I've ever had in my life. It is easily described as a "rollercoaster ride of emotion," but is closer to being in the funnel of a tornado that is made out of stress, work, and emotions. When the high levels of stress and work meet the unstable pressure of the emotional gamut that an educator-in-training is asked to experience, the result is nothing short of that horribly animated super-tornado from Twister. However, let's add the tears of frustration, the sleepless nights, the horrible feeling that you are constantly failing the children in the classroom, the anxiety of being watched by unfamiliar administration, and the confusion that comes from the ambiguous goals of the standards set by the state, and you wind up with what I like to call an "Emotional Apocalypse." This is a situation in which your emotions run from bliss to loathing to depression to apathy all inside of an hour, every hour, every day, until you are done. If you couple this with working - as this foolish writer did - you might as well assume that your frontal lobe has gone supernova and has begun to eat your brain... or that one of your classmates has turned into a zombie and is trying to eat what is left of your mind.

Brraaaaiiiinnnsss...Must educate BRRRRAAAAIIIINNNNSSS!

Here goes nothing...

Now in my case, I just entered as state of panic for seven hours a day, five days a week, for four months. Truly, I didn't start to calm down until the last week of the research paper, but then other anxieties began to kick in. Starting the student-teaching process is really no different than the standard observations that most students do prior to the student teaching semester. However, I was blessed with taking over a class - a remedial Read 180 II course - from the second day that I was in my student teaching semester. For a full month I was tasked to formulate thirty-minute lessons either based around a decided workbook, or stray from that and challenge myself further by creating my own lessons. While this was at least ten times the work, the product that the students produced was no less than a hundred times better than what they would produce otherwise. Additionally, this gave me the opportunity to do whole-class assignments - like Writing Wednesdays - and allowed the students to produce the topics of which they would write. When that month expired, students were writing in ways they had initially told me they never would or couldn't. Further, the gap in respect had begun to close between the instructors and the students. While this might seem insignificant to most, this might have actually been the best thing to happen since I arrived. The end of the first month came and so did a change of semesters.

That was your first mistake...

Once the semesters changed, the classrooms were ceded to me completely, and I was left to my own devices. The process of developing a lesson plan for an entire day, to this point, had been an extremely challenging process that would take several hours to complete. Now I was tasked with creating at least five of them a week, by a certain day. I spent the first week or two completely convinced all the students hated me, I was failing them as an educator, they were not learning anything, and that all of my methodology was completely failing. This was largely in part due to the first week being a short "crash course" of basic grammar that the results of should horrify any potential students out there and some parents as well. It wasn't until the third week that I got into a groove for writing lesson plans in a cohesive form, and in the next few weeks, began to experiment with creating a daily focus that was usually hinted at in the anticipatory set. Some of the students, I think, finally caught onto this just in time for the HSPA week. For those of you that don't know what the New Jersey HSPA is, consider yourself lucky. We'll just say it's standardized testing that requires the week of preparation that I did with the students. It was not a fun week for the students or for the instructor. However, the HSPA came and went, and ultimately... 100% of them passed. Unheard of, but those kids worked hard for it. After the HSPA, we had some fun with acting in the classroom and then came the dreaded research paper. Given the experiences I had trying to teach 11th graders to do a research paper for the first time, it makes more sense pedagogically to start research papers much earlier - say middle school - to at least establish what is required in a research paper, create a basic understanding for formatting, and to get some practice in the research process. That said, almost everyone handed in their research paper, and a few of them were stellar, despite the time constraints.

The future generation...

When it was finally over, it seemed a bit surreal. I had actually managed to teach students for three months with little to no issue in the classroom, getting work in, and getting the students to perform. I received the paperwork I needed, constructed my portfolio, met with my supervisor and my cooperating instructor one last time, and it was time to leave the school for good. There had been talk of a position or two opening up in the school I student taught at when I first came in, but these dreams were ultimately crushed by the final meeting I attended in which the budget was deterred for things other than more faculty. Now, without a prospect of a teaching position, a promise of employment, a job that was forty-five miles from home - in one direction - and the realization that I was on the road to having to financially support myself, I began to panic. Graduation came and flew by and reminded me why I didn't sit through the first one in December. Instead, it solidified the ideas that not only were all of the students aware that we were not getting jobs in the first place, we were expected to become functional adults in society immediately after graduation. A hopelessly removed lady spoke that day, as our guest speaker, of a story that no one could relate to: her life story. Her life story was not one that was filled with struggles, hard work, and perseverance in the face of adversity. Instead, her story was a story of one success after another, where she never failed and always won. A lot of us looked around at each other as she told this story and then assured us that the most important part of this process was that we had gotten out degrees. To quote the back of many of the graduating students' caps: Now what?

Well... We can dream...

"The Contender"

At first glance, Lipsyte's The Contender is a strange book to mix with Go Ask Alice - see previous post - as one takes place in white suburbia, following a "well-to-do" girl's struggles with drug addiction, while The Contender focuses of a young black male who tries to escape the negative life in the New York ghetto by becoming a professional boxer. To be honest, I too was confused at first, especially when I first began reading the book, as to what one had to do with the other. The narrators couldn't have been more different and the setting - aside from the time period - couldn't have been more different. However, when you read into the books, there is a faint light that suggests that, despite the stark contrast between the narrators, that they are perhaps experiencing something that is very similar, but in a different fashion.

When the reader is first introduced to Alfred Brooks - a notable difference from Go Ask Alice - he is a high school dropout on the fast-track to mediocrity. He has a steady job stocking shelves at a local grocery store, but sees no room for advancement or, the more concerning of the two, a reason to try to advance. His childhood friend James has begun hanging out with a bad crowd that try to coerce Alfred into joining them in their juvenile delinquency. When James is arrested for trying to break into the store that Alfred works at, the bad crowd beats Alfred senseless, sparking a new desire to become something. Alfred goes to to a local gym that trains boxers and signs up. At first, he finds every reason to be bummed out in life and to not train hard, but eventually the training turns his view of the world around. Alfred slips six weeks into his training and spends a night drinking and smoking pot with the bad crowd, and even gets to see James again. James has slipped into a criminal mindset and Alfred hints at his use of cocaine just before passing out from drinking. The next day he is coerced into a day trip with the bad crowd, only to have to flee from the car they took, as it was stolen. He struggles for a few days to recover and almost quits training, but returns and becomes a better fighter than ever. He eventually works his way to amateur fights and has three victories before his trainer tells him it's time to quit. Alfred is adamant about going with the fourth fight, and takes a Rocky style beating that costs him the fight, but gains the respect of those around him, and, most importantly, respect for himself. He then plans to return to school to get his GED, become a part of the Youth Leaders program in his community, and continue helping upcoming fighters at the gym. However, James appears again, for the third and final time, after trying to steal from the same store again. He is badly injured and Alfred manages to coerce into seeking medical attention and coming off "the junk" with his assistance. The novel ends as they walk through the snow en route to a hospital.

Again, this is seemingly heavy material for high school students to read, but it's a terrific moral and the "feel good" story that America loves to hear. To digress momentarily, I do believe I will be coupling this book with John Knowles's A Separate Peace, since they feel almost identical in a sense. However, when comparing this with Go Ask Alice, the critical reader will notice that both narrators live in a world where the have a "good" way of living and a "bad" way of living. In Go Ask Alice, the narrator has the "good" life when she is a square and is not on drugs. She seems to believe that her life is horrible, but it pales in comparison to each bout of her abusing drugs and the aftermath of those choices. Though she eventually swears off the life, it haunts her through her peers and is what ultimately lands her in the mental asylum. Now, Alfred, in The Contender, faces two different worlds as well. The "bad" world is perpetuating the stereotypical lifestyle of the ghetto resident that James and the bad crowd demonstrate. These kids steal, drink, smoke, and go to jail, while the boxers - the "good" way of life - seek to better themselves physically and advise Alfred on how to better himself with education and hard work. Unlike the unnamed narrator from Go Ask Alice, Alfred brings his baggage to the beginning of the story and is able to overcome it without the suggestion of his untimely demise shortly after the text. However, the critical reader will notice that the two struggle between these two ways of life and slip in and out of both of them, eventually choosing to live the "good" life, despite what is going on around them. This will be an interesting discussion to have with the students after they have read both novels.

"Go Ask Alice"

With my student-teaching semester quickly approaching, I've been struggling to juggle the responsibilities of moving to a new place, everyday life, and my high expectations for my knowledge base for the semester. If nothing else, I'll at least force myself through the reading that the students will hopefully engage in during the course of the semester. I've just - and I literally mean just - finished the book Go Ask Alice that is part of the reading list that my cooperating teacher has provided for me. Though I feel as if my high school and college careers have left me fairly well-versed in literature, this is one of the texts that I am not familiar with due to my affinity for the classics and "big name" authors. Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men and Miller's The Crucible are the two that I will be most familiar with, as I read them in high school as well, and I will have some knowledge base for Knowles's A Separate Peace from my encounter with it in junior high and not long ago in field observations. It is the newer works - Go Ask Alice, The Contender, and Swallowing Stones - that I have no knowledge of their existence, let alone their content and value as literary works.

The reference is really no surprise...

For those who may not have read Go Ask Alice, it's a short but chilling tale of a teenager's struggle with drug addiction after being introduced to it without her knowledge. The unnamed female narrator begins the tale as a mousy, "square" girl who has the usual worries of boys, popularity, sex, and physical appearance, until she is invited to a party where she unknowingly drinks a glass of cola laced with LSD. From there, the narrator begins an "on again, off again" struggle with the dangers and strife that come with habitual drug use and recovery. These struggles land her living with her grandparents, clear across the country struggling to live, being raped by a rich woman and her boyfriend, in a homeless shelter, and in a mental hospital, to name just a few. The writing style is an easy read, as it is claimed to have been based on the actual diaries of a teenage girl, but the content is harrowing for the reader. There is little time in between the jumps from the narrator's love/hate relationship with drugs. For a cluster of pages she is a heroine who is fighting "the Establishment" by not conforming, but quickly falls back into missing her life at home. Once back, she is eager to begin her life anew after her experiences but always seems to be brought back to misery by her life, drugs, and finally her reputation. The book ends with no real conclusion, suggesting a new start for the narrator, but provides a disturbing epilogue that leaves nothing but questions.

This book may seem like heavy reading for high school students, but these worlds are very real and extremely tempting to them. They will only increase in temptation when the majority of them travel to college and live away from home for the first time in their lives. Aside from a "scared straight" use, the novel also presents the students with a surprising amount of challenges in literature. For one, the book is written as if the reader is the narrator's diary and is receiving each entry. This makes the book written in a heavily bias, first-person, stream-of-consciousness format that often leaves the reader wondering if the narrator is lying or exaggerating as well as moments where tremendous amounts of time seem to have passed, but only a few weeks have due to a lack of accurate dates. The first-person narration also provides the issue of the narrator's bias. Unlike works such as Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, the narrator is detailing the events in her life as they occur, and not some time later. Therefore, the narrator has all the bias of a teenage female during the drug era of the 1970's in America. However, the narrator's absence of a name makes the character seem akin to seemingly any teenager who might experience these very common feelings, hardships, or "tough decisions." In total, this novel is certainly going to bring a gloomy atmosphere when reading it with the students, but will certainly provide the students with the passion needed to analyze the literature for it's strengths, weaknesses, purpose, and morals.

Slices of Life: What our Possessions Say about Us

As the holiday season approaches it brings with it the ever present "moving date" as I continue to further my education toward profession. Of the last four years, three of the holiday seasons have mean packing my possessions into as few boxes as possible, discerning what is necessary and what can be discarded or donated, how to transport it, and the other wonders that are incorporated with such a move. However, it is at this point, with such a distinct inventory of what one owns, that you realize, as Tyler Durden would have asserted, how much one's possessions own them in turn. While looking the things I discard or donate, I look at them and wonder if I should be doing that. These items, many of them not unearthed in years, bring back essential memories, fondness, trauma, etc. that it seems one forgets in one's routine life. For example: I donated several items of clothing that I should have donated years ago. A few of the items date back to when I was in the early years of high school, approaching the better part of a decade ago now, and were not acceptable to be worn in public at all. However, even as I packed these items away to be donated to those in need, I couldn't help but reminisce on the things that I had cognitively attached to them: My first date, my first cross country race, the first party I attended, my first kiss, and other socially important memories from high school. It seemed to me that for a moment, at least, our lives seemed very compartmentalized.

This perhaps plays upon the writing of a peer regarding his thoughts about flash fiction, as I had just finished reviewing it for him, but seems more likely to be a useful technique for reading analysis and writing in the future. As we begin to get older, it seems we gather more and more things that we essentially do not need, but hold an intrinsic, emotional value for us. Our students, who have not been on the Earth nearly as long as we have, should then have the ability to choose a handful of items to represent their entire life span. For example: If I were to track my life until my sophomore year, when I turned fifteen, I could easily clump my life together into five objects: a cow puppet, a Sonic the Hedgehog stuffed animal, a Gameboy, a bicycle, and a CD Player. Each of these would represent stages of my life that I can remember. (1) The cow puppet is something I still have from when I was a child, (2) the Sonic the Hedgehog stuffed animal was my favorite thing in the early years of my cognitive memories and my favorite game and television show, (3) I spent a good portion of my youth playing games and it only increased during this time, (4) I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was eight years old and it changed my freedom once I did, and (5) the CD player linked me to music and would shape my attitude, decisions, clothing, etc. from the time I was about twelve until I graduated from high school.

As an educator, this could be an interesting way to learn about the students in your classroom. It doesn't necessarily have to be a big project, although in younger years it most certainly could be, and could simply be a list with explanations. Seemingly this would be a great opening assignment for the students to accomplish so that they can learn something about themselves, the instructor can learn something about them, and perhaps their peers could learn something more about them that would cool off some of the highly judgmental airs that come with groups of students. Then the instructor could relate the assignment to the way that most narrative novels are written, as they are usually pieces of a much larger story that the author weaves together to demonstrate the significance of every piece. Seemingly just a thought, and can certainly be bent and shaped to whatever the instructor wants to do with it. Well... back to packing.


Oh, and Happy Holidays in case I'm not back before then!

Digital Storytelling: Tell Me a Personalized Story

A project that we were recently asked to do included the using a program call Microsoft Photo Story 3 which allows the user to create a digital storytelling session. As a typical literature nerd, I was both interested and skeptical of anything that claimed to be a method of storytelling in the digital age. From my perspective, and most students who traverse the classics path of literary studies, storytelling is something that one would envision as the bards of Camelot, the fantastic druids of old Ireland, or the way in which Chaucer constructs his Canterbury Tales. These are all prolonged storytelling session that, for the most part, are also accompanied by drinking, feasting, dancing, and often, music. This said, you can now see why I was skeptical as to how this would apply to a day and age in which people are becoming increasingly introverted, antisocial, and hidden behind the screen of a computer. However, I was actually quite delighted at this new evolution of storytelling.

Perhaps a necessary evolution in an age of audiobooks and eReaders...

In digital storytelling, the teacher or the students record themselves dictating the story, passage, poem, or miscellaneous literature of choice or assignment. However, this is not where the process ends. Instead, the users are asked to incorporate pictures and music to enhance their presentation - not unlike the Pecha Kucha (PAY-cha KEW-sha) phenomenon that is sweeping extended learning seminars across the country. With this, the user adds significant depth to their story. Music, as aforementioned, was almost synonymous with storytelling in the days of lore, so it is no wonder that the digital age would want to utilize this to their advantage. The pictures are not unlike props, masks, or other assorted things that actors would utilize in ancient storytelling and are certainly appealing to students who have become accustomed to image-overload with sites such as Imgur and Reddit that provide snapshots from across the world of all varieties and categories.

My love of flow charts is showing again....

As a future educator, this is, ironically, something I could see myself using with my students to not only entice them, but to further their ability to script coherent sentences, enunciate words properly, utilize proper grammar, and to increase overall eloquence. While the students might not realize it, a project such as this would assist them further down the road when they might need to give a presentation in front of an audience, create a tutorial video, or even direct a Webinar for a group of coworkers. It also hits almost every important aspect of a language arts classroom: reading, writing, speaking, and analysis. Not only that, the assignment avoids traditional essays and allows the students to interact with technology. What educator could ask for more?

Ah to be prepared for the challenges of being an adult...

Web 2.0: Edmodo

In recent times, social networking has evolved from the basic functions that it served over a decade ago. When MySpace and Facebook first came into being, they were simple information gathering sites and ways to communicate with potential roommates, respectively. Now, we've recently seen an overhaul in the MySpace site in hope of drawing back some of the people who have become tired of the constant battles that are fought with Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg over the supposed privacy that is inherent in such a site. From these sites we have also seen the birth of alternative social media such as Twitter, Tumblr, and even Google's attempt at social networking with G+. All have their individual uses and their individual appeals. These have become integrated and a core part of the the youth's lives and they are almost completely unable to separate themselves from these sites. Instead, they build profiles, personalize, and become one with their virtual identities.

This is something that the older generation doesn't understand and the new generation of educators remembers the beginning of. With this is mind, the creators over at www.Edomodo.com have created a virtual learning community that allows students to not only utilize a social networking interface that they are familiar with, they have created a site where students can personalize their profiles as well. This allows the students to not only contribute to their education via social networking format, they also feel as if they are their virtual individual. Similarly, the instructors are able to control what the students post, where, and what gets discussed, allowing the education full control over what is occurring without the worry that cyber-bulling might occur while students should be learning. Additionally, should a student step out of line or not follow disciplinary instructions by an instructor, the instructor can remove the student's profile from the class.

The benefits extend even further, allowing the instructors to create deposits for homework, tests, or essays that the students have completed, along with a calendar for the students and the parents to follow. With that in mind, there is also a way for parents to create accounts to follow their children, their due dates, and interactions with the teachers and other students. This is an excellent way to keep the student, parents, and teachers all on the same level while providing the students with a reason to want to be involved with a site that is a part of their education.

Limitations to a Technologically Driven Society

While we live in a society that is almost completely incapable of disconnecting from technology, natural disasters and other forces that are not controlled by humans can severely limit or render access to technology  to zero. Such was the recent case when the northeast portion of the United States as "Super-Storm" Sandy ravaged the coast, inland, and even mountains. While technology allows us on a regular basis to communicate with people across the world, to multiple people with the click of a mouse, and in languages that we might not be able to speak or understand, it is useless without the proper electricity and connection to the internet that most of society has become quite used to having.

When did charging electronic outclass saving lives?

During the storm, I was forced to evacuate my home and live across the state with some very wonderful people or face living in any of the overcrowded shelters that exist. While I luckily had a place to go, thousands of people didn't or chose not to go. This not only caused a problem for those areas in which people needed to be rescued, but it also caused an issue with the availability of electricity, available bandwidth for internet access, and created an issue for how to properly convey information to the public. When one thinks about this, it really comes down to how reliant we are on technology. Payphones are nearly a relic, now more likely to be used as a novelty phone in someone's basement. Instead, we have cellphones. However, these need to be charged in order to make a call or, for some, access the internet. We have become far to reliant on the latter in that situation as well. It was amazing that the actions of those saving people were noticed less than those who would stick an extension cord outside for strangers to charge their phones. What have we become?

My frustration knew no bounds...

Perhaps the most infuriating part of this whole process, save the total loss that a large portion of the population endured, was the absolute lack of information provided by the government. In this modern era in which, as aforementioned, we rely so heavily on technology that permits us to transmit information within seconds, why was there no update for days? Why did some of us never hear anything as to when we were allowed to come back? Why did the media decide to focus on the destruction of three spots and not broadcast the important return dates, information needed for checkpoints, curfews, etc. that were being put into place behind closed doors with no input from the misplaced? The answer is quite simple: the media loves a tragedy. Documenting the destruction that occurred would attract far more viewers than useful information. Similarly, this is why the governor of New Jersey and PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES were both allowed onto the island I live on to give a speech 7 days before I was even allowed to return to asses the damage or grab more clothing. We were told it was unsafe. We were told there was no power. We were told not to try to come onto the island. Yet, these key figures went with no issue, power companies restored power in a mere 3 days, and most folks had minor damage on our island. Why couldn't we communicate this?

For those who missed this insanity...